Yikes!

Friends, I won't lie to you, not for a second. My life could stand some improvements. But here, thankfully, the operational word is "minor." I've never been one to do things by halves — I slap my gross white body on excellence and mediocrity with equal enthusiasm. But I need a minor goal, one unlike my major goals, like "find work," "find love," etc. (For the interested, I'm so close to perfect enlightenment, that attaining perfect enlightenment is a relatively trivial goal for me.)

But I have a wealth of minor life et ceteras. For example, to actually exercise. I hate exercising. I hate it. I have exercised regularly in the past, and never seen the results of greater clarity and greater ability to fall asleep, which are my main targets. But friends, I shall persist despite the clear futility, and do it. And I shall not just exercise, but I will exercise every day before I have a cigarette. If you don't understand the weight of the last part, you don't understand a lot of stuff.

But I'll do it, I'll damn do it. I'll exercise strenuously for a half hour every morning. And believe me, friends and readers, I will hate every stupid second of it. Stay miserably tuned for miserable updates about how much I hate this idiocy.

(For those readers and participants who exercise routinely - you are mentally insufficient. Exercise is a terrible use of one's time and I regret everything about this horrible dare.)